2003 1.8T options

So I have a 2003 wolfsburg jetta and I want to do a few things to it, not too carried away, and nothing not worth doing. I've been looking at BOVs and diverters, I've been to a few forums and I've heard a lot of arguements for both sides. Bottom line I can sacrifice the noise for better performance. Which is the better option?
 
Next on the agenda is APR's software tuning, the four stage program. I love the idea of it, but this car is my daily driver. I can't afford to destroy it, I have a three year warranty with it, and a back up car, even still I like it too much to break it. What's a safe level of power and boost. I don't drive like a complete asshole and I don't really drag race, but when I want the power I want it now and I want it to be enough.
 
Intercoolers? I want to put a front mount on, but I don't want to mangle the front end in order to do so. My plan is to stay low profile with everything I do. I want clean and stealthy.
 
And as far as exhaust goes, I want something with some tone, but I don't want to sound like a ricer. Again I want performance, but not rally car loud.
 
I'm willing to spend the money on good stuff. I just want to make sure I get the right stuff.
Thanks in advance for anyone who helps me, it's truly appreciated.

go with the DV, its what i run, its your best bet. With a BOV, you, in effect, rob your intake of air. You can run up to apr stage 2 no problems, even if you dont know too much mechanically about your car. Ive seen people run the APR Stage 3+ reliably too, so its really whatever you prefer. With the FMIC, you can get a good one that you dont have to mangle the bumper, just do some research, or go with a uprated side mount. With exhaust, go with milltek or jetex. If thats not what you like, anything with a magnaflow or borla muffler will be perfectly fine. It sounds like youre going at this the right way, doing research and everything first before you buy, good thinking, you should be fine man. Congrats on the wolfy, i love mine.

Thanks for the help, a lot of quiet people around here is there a better forum? I'm not finding a whole lot on the net.

just search around, its there, theres more stuff for our cars than anything else i bet. try www.vwvortex.com